Organization For The Overwhelmed

Organization for the Overwhelmed

Have you ever double-booked yourself? Or maybe had a complaint from the church finance team because you’ve lost receipts again? So many of us hope for some magical new dedication to being organized or that the problems would just disappear. Instead many of us are still lacking in organization and feel overwhelmed.

Why Is Organization Important?

Most of us believe that organization in ministry is important. And we have many reasons for believing so. But let me give a reason that we don’t always notice.

Think about a time when you were disorganized in your work. Maybe you lost track of time and forgot to submit that expense report before it was due, or maybe you missed a meeting with your boss because it wasn’t on your calendar, or maybe you hesitated too long to register your group for camp before all the spots filled up. Whether or not any of these events have happened to you, we have all been overwhelmed by similar situations.

All three of these potential catastrophes and so many more can be prevented (or at least minimized) when we are organized. But when we are not organized, chaos ensues. And when chaos ensues, blood pressure rises. Why? Because…

“Anxiety flourishes under disorganization.”

And take it from an anxiety expert, when anxiety flourishes you can become paralyzed to the need for organization. It becomes a nasty cycle—disorganization creates anxiety and anxiety prevents us from reorganizing our lives.

We need to break the cycle.

How can I become organized if I’m overwhelmed?

Breaking the cycle means pinpointing exactly where we need to be more organized and targeting that area so that anxiety is minimized. When you’re overwhelmed, the first question you should ask is, “Where am I most disorganized?” (If you already know disorganization is causing you anxiety, then another helpful question on pinpointing areas of disorganization could be, “What is causing me the most anxiety right now?”)

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Cluttered workspace?

It could be that the most disorganized part of your life is staring you right in the face. Ask yourself, “How clean is my workspace?” If you have an office, is it clean or cluttered? Can you find things easily? Do you have a stack of papers sitting on top of your desk? You have probably heard the truism that a cluttered space is a cluttered mind (or something like that). Sometimes simply the practice of organization in our workspace can help us feel less overwhelmed.

List of tasks?

Maybe you’re not suffering from a cluttered office but from a disorganized task list. Each week you go to work searching for important tasks to do, but you never formally write down what it is you need to get done. Stop that! The time to write down the list of tasks you need to get done on a given week is at the end of the previous week. That way when you go into work at the start of the new week, you can immediately start on your tasks.

My method is to separate my tasks into primary and secondary lists. I have noticed that I’m most productive in the morning, so I plan to do my primary tasks first and save my secondary tasks for later in the day. Find a method that works for you and stick with it. Organization of our tasks can help manage the feelings of being overwhelmed.

Non-Existent Schedule?

Closely related to a list of tasks is the need for a written (or typed) schedule. Without a written schedule, you will be late or absent for one or more of your meetings and you will miss deadlines—I promise you that from personal experience. Do not fall for the trick you play on yourself when you say, “I don’t need to write this down, I’ll remember it.” Again, I promise, you will miss something.

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I have found it helpful to have two calendars. One of them is a personal calendar for all my meetings, appointments, etc. The second calendar is a schedule of all our ministry events—planned and potential—and due dates for long-term projects.

Maybe you can come up with a system that works best for you, but the point is that you are proactive about doing something.

Sometimes we need an outside look into our systems (or lack thereof!). Find a mentor – or even better, a YMI Coach – to guide you into discovering what organization habits can help. Feeling overwhelmed often leads to burnout which can harm you and your ministry.


Zack holds a Master of Divinity degree, a bachelor’s in Biblical and Theological Studies from Palm Beach Atlantic University, and he is also an alumnus of YMI. He has the pleasure of serving as the Director of Youth & Young Adults and the Website & Social Media Coordinator at Sanlando United Methodist Church in Longwood, FL. Zack loves spending time with his wife, Olivia, usually by soaking up the Florida sun at the beach together.

Helping Teens Keep Their Faith After High School

Help Teens Keep Their Faith After High School

What Can We Do?


Four years ago when I started in my position as youth minister at my current church, I was taken aback by the Sunday worship schedule.

During one of the worship services, the church offered kids’ church as well as youth Sunday school. So, for the 9:30 hour, I’d begin by meeting teens in the main church building. As service started, we would cross the parking lot to the youth room where we’d spend time together having a lesson and chatting. Most weeks we would be lucky to make it back to the service in time to participate in weekly communion.

Was this the best way to be helping teens keep their faith once they left high school and this church?

As an adult, I felt isolated from the church body. I grew up in a church where Sunday school took place the hour before worship. Adults and kids, alike, would attend their respective classes only to gather for worship after. To say the least, this new way of worshipping took some getting used to.

What Are We Missing?

At this point, I was deep into my training with the Youth Ministry Institute – reading Sticky Faith by Kara Powell – and I was struck by the idea that teens could get so much more out of their church experience by actually being a part of the church! I mean, hadn’t that been what I’d experienced myself?

As a result of talking with students, parents, and leadership, we did away with our youth Sunday school class.

As a youth minister, I want the teens with whom I work to equally value their time in worship.

I want them to experience the benefits of being part of the corporate body of worship. Sam Halverson, a United Methodist pastor in the North Georgia Conference, says in his book One Body: Integrating Teenagers into the Life of Your Church, “Statistics tell us that people whose teenage church experiences were limited to youth rooms and youth worship, lock-ins, and mission trips, fundraisers and spiritual retreats, and who never got to know the whole church in the form of corporate worship, nursery and music ministries, fellowship dinners and planning meetings – the time spent together as one body – will grow up continually searching for a church that is like their youth ministry experience. They won’t know what to look for in a church; they won’t have a faith that is nurtured by the stories and the lives of the whole body of Christ. Youth need to hear the stories, to be part of the body, to recognize how they fit into the community.”

Equip Teens To Keep Their Faith Early On

How should we be helping teens keep their faith after high school? Well, according to Powell and Halverson, we first allow them to be a part of the corporate church community. We give them opportunities to serve in leadership within the church and we invite them to attend worship – rather than separating them from the flock.

If we are called to be part of Christ’s body, that body should include every age group imaginable. And while it is not customary to allow young children to be part of committees, children should be equally considered full participants in worship. We demonstrate this value when we empower kids with an active role in weekly worship experiences.

As teens grow to be integrated members of Christ’s body, the Church, they will be better equipped as young adults to keep their faith after they leave high school and find their way within other bodies of worship.

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Partner with Teens as they Prepare to Leave High School

Making our worship and leadership opportunities intergenerational doesn’t diminish the value of offering youth gatherings. It is within the youth group setting that teens can learn valuable social skills in preparing to enter college. It is within the youth ministry that teens learn to be accountable for their faith. There, they begin to learn what it means to practice their faith independently of their peers.

As teens prepare to graduate, it is my hope that they feel integrated into the greater church family. The results may be that they also desire to continue a lifetime of growth and keep their faith after high school.

As youth ministers we can help connect our teens to campus ministries across the country, helping teens make connections early. Had I had a similar influence in my life as I started college, maybe I would not have crumbled under my crippling social anxiety when trying to attend the Wesley Foundation for the first time at the University of Kentucky. I wish I’d had a youth minister help me reach out to the campus ministry before I graduated to make a connection. Instead, I found myself attending my home church every weekend as a freshman. Why? Because it was the place I knew I belonged and felt a part of.

What Else Can We Do To Be Helping Teens Keep Their Faith After High School?

We can provide our teens with resources for study – encouraging them to dive deeper into their study of Scripture. The ministry can dive into group Bible studies, challenging them to think for themselves about what they believe. We can provide them with opportunities to serve- in the church, the community, and the world. If they go away to school, we can help them find churches nearby with thriving young adult ministries. Most importantly, we can pray for them now as they take steps toward graduation and adulthood.


Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.

That Happened At Church: Great Feedback

That Happened At Church: Great Feedback

Have you ever experienced feedback? Even the best feedback can be challenging to receive. Now imagine receiving that feedback on stage, in front of your entire group. Watch as Josh shares about his recent experience.


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Josh is originally from Sevierville, TN and now lives in Knoxville where he serves as Director of Students at Cokesbury Church. Josh has been in Student Ministry for more than a decade. On par with loving students is his desire to see student workers succeed and be equipped for the joys and challenges of Student Ministry. Josh is married to Ginny and dad to Mattie and Beau. Outside of church work, he loves golf, Tennessee Volunteers football (naturally), and Kansas Jayhawks basketball (unnaturally, but it feels right). 


Is It Ok To Struggle With Your Faith?

Is It Ok To Struggle With Your Faith?

Short answer, yes.


It is perfectly normal to struggle with some doubts about your faith.

The more thoughtful answer is… maybe. Sometimes? No. Wait. Yes. It’s definitely fine. At least I think it is, on the whole.

Hello. My name is Josh and I love to overthink things. Any kind of thing really… faith, dinner plans, email introductions, fantasy football lineups, blogs… You name it and I will become the living embodiment of first confidence, and next, second-guessing. I have a lot of moments of absolutely knowing that I 100% know absolutely nothing – or too much. It’s a lot like recognizing the grass is really green on both sides but consequently thinking the fence offers the most comfortable viewing angle. And it is exhausting.

So, when it comes to matters of faith, I have managed to find a way to struggle with the struggle of struggling with my faith. Yet I wasn’t always like this.

It’s The Way We Do Things

As a child, there was an unspoken expectation of just accepting how life was – without questions, without doubts, without too much of a fuss. We do it this way because this is the way we’ve always done it. Here is your faith, go and enjoy it, my son!

“This is the way” does not always hit my ears as the credo of The Mandalorian, but rather as an ultra-vague reason behind family traditions, behaviors, and beliefs. For a long time, I believed it was best to do things [this way] because this is the way we do things.

And then I – similar to a side story in a galaxy far, far, away – became more complex over time. The old ways did not always make sense.

The reasons for doing, thinking, or behaving seemed outdated and no longer good enough for how I wanted to experience life in the present.

Over time I began to naturally experience a deeper curiosity for my faith and developed a deeper understanding of who Jesus was and just how personal that relationship could become. It was weird, confusing, and – dare I say – felt a bit rebellious.

Questions Led To The Truth About My Struggle With Faith

I started to ask questions. A lot of them. I still do.

Questions provoked research, conversation, and critical thought. All those things led to one thing: truth.

As an adult, I can look back at those seemingly rebellious moments and not be crippled by shame but embrace a feeling of pride. I felt in my heart a desire for more: more knowledge, more emotion, more connection, more everything.

And the only way to get there was to ask questions, to explore, and to be OK with having some doubts. Once you accept that it’s OK to have both faith and questions (doubts), I honestly think it unlocks a whole new world of connection to an infinite God. Your faith in God does not make God real. Our faith is the response to a real God that wants to be known to us.

Doubt & Curiosity Are Biblical!

If we think of doubters in the Bible, Thomas must be at the top of everyone’s list, right? I mean… “Doubting Thomas” was literally his nickname.

I consider this kid an absolute legend.

And “kid” is not an insult, we know he was very young. What we sometimes overlook is how brave he was. A young man willing to ask questions seek deeper meanings, and who very clearly wanted to experience a risen Christ for himself.

When Jesus appeared to Thomas and the Disciples (John 20), he did not come to prove a point or to embarrass Thomas for having doubts. But instead, Jesus honored Thomas’s questions by showing him the scars, the wounds, and giving Thomas what he needed to believe.

Jesus Welcomes Our Faith Struggle

Jesus did not walk away from Thomas and his doubts, but instead literally stretched out his hands to Thomas so he could believe!

We have an example of Jesus welcoming moments of doubt and curiosity with compassion to those who ask! How different would the story of Jesus have been if he just laughed at the kid and sarcastically looked at Peter like, “Would you believe this guy?!? LOL! Now BEAT IT, NERD! The grown-ups have Resurrection business!”

That’s not who Jesus is.

Where To Start First When We Struggle With Faith

So, if you are struggling with matters of faith, here’s where I would start…

Pray.

Yes, I know, this first one is a total Sunday school answer, but it is still the best place to start! We don’t have the benefit of living, breathing, human flesh version of Jesus to share a coffee and ask a few questions. But prayer is the direct line to God, so… do it! To put it another way, I have yet to find a topic so big and complicated God was unwilling to hear.

Be curious.

What is the issue giving you moments of doubt or grief? How can you be curious about that topic? Is this from an outside source? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Does this doubt or lack of faith prevent you from being a true version of yourself? Being curious is not at all like a police interrogation. It can be as simple as showing enough grace to yourself to simply ask, “Where is this feeling coming from?” (If you’re interested, I was a guest on the Making Sense of Ministry Podcast and talked a lot about Compassion and Curiosity.

Find someone who regularly challenges your faith.

I have a few people in my life that are living life or talking about issues or loving their communities in ways that make me stop and stare – in a good way. What is it about them that causes me to stand still for a moment and consider what I’m doing? We should be pursuing people that think differently than we do and who will then challenge us to learn more about ourselves, our world, and God.

Be vulnerable about your faith and your questions.

Despite my best efforts, I have yet to resolve all my issues and answer my questions all alone. And while there were some significant pride hurdles to get over, I’ve found vulnerability with others to be super helpful. Not only does it allow me to get to know people in better ways, but I’ve discovered I’m not alone. I’m not crazy. I’m not a terrible Christian because I have questions. And I was not the first to ask these questions either. Trusting others with my doubts has only led to stronger relationships and a deeper longing for experiencing Jesus.

And this is the counterintuitive part for many ministry leaders:

Openly sharing struggles with the students we are leading, makes you a better leader. I’m not suggesting you start a message with, “Well gang, you were right all along, I don’t know what I’m doing. BUT I BROUGHT PIZZA!” Don’t do that. What I am recommending is that we never exclude ourselves from the Biblical truths we are trying to share.

Sometimes I think there is a belief residing deep in the back of our brains that “If I show people I’m weak, they will refuse to follow”. And that just isn’t true. When we assume the response is going to be “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU,” we will never allow space for the more common reply of “Yeah, me too.” Sharing a struggle is not proving you are a failure. It reveals you are a human. And most students prefer relationships with real people, not robots. It’s not our job to be sinless, just to point to the one who is.

I hope we are a people that are not afraid to ask questions. We can know that our doubts will not decrease the size of our God, but rather reveal the depth of God’s love for us.


Josh is originally from Sevierville, TN and now lives in Knoxville where he serves as Director of Students at Cokesbury Church. Josh has been in Student Ministry for more than a decade. On par with loving students is his desire to see student workers succeed and be equipped for the joys and challenges of Student Ministry. Josh is married to Ginny and dad to Mattie and Beau. Outside of church work, he loves golf, Tennessee Volunteers football (naturally), and Kansas Jayhawks basketball (unnaturally, but it feels right). 


Isolation & Loneliness in Teenagers, Part 2

Isolation & Loneliness In Teenagers Part 2

We Need To Be Prepared


In Part 1 of Isolation and Loneliness in Teenagers, we shared normal stressors in the lives of teens, how to engage our youth now, and warning signs that isolation has become too much.

While we all hope to never be in a situation where we are on the front line of helping a teen through clinical or situational depression, we must be prepared that it is always a possibility – especially now as the world opens back up from the global pandemic. Here are some ways you can monitor signs of depression and action steps you can take when you see these signs.

Signs Of Depression/Suicidal Ideation Or Thoughts

Withdrawing
This may be hard to monitor if not in-person, but if a teen is withdrawing from activities that usually bring them pleasure, this could be a sign of depression.

Verbal Signs
Teens may tell you or a loved one:

“I just don’t think I can live like this anymore”
“I don’t want to live like this anymore”
“My family/this world will be better without me”
“Everything would be easier if I were gone/dead”
“I just can’t see a future anymore”

Physical Symptoms
Bags/dark circles under eyes
Lack of sleep // sleeping too much // unusual sleep patterns
Cutting marks on arms/wrists
Inability to focus
Rapid weight loss or gain // Loss of appetite

Giving Possessions Away
If a teen begins giving away their favorite possessions, they may be looking for ways to have their friends and family be reminded of them after they are gone.

What If It’s MORE Than Isolation or Loneliness In Teenagers

The following information is taken from the community-version of the Columbia Suicide Severity Rating scale (C-SSRS). If a teen says or does anything that makes you think they are actively suicidal, act quickly and calmly:

DON’T BE AFRAID to ask the following:

1. Have you wished you were dead or wished you could go to sleep and not wake up?

2. Have you actually had any thoughts about killing yourself?

If the loved one answers “yes” to question 2, ask questions 3, 4, 5 and 6. If the person answers “no” to question 2, go directly to question 6.

3. Have you thought about how you might do this?

4. Have you had any intention of acting on these thoughts of killing yourself? OR, You have the thoughts, but you definitely would not act on them?

5. Have you started to work out or worked out the details of how to kill yourself? Do you intend to carry out this plan?

Always ask question 6: In the past three months, have you done anything, started to do anything, or prepared to do anything to end your life?

REMEMBER

In these crucial scenarios, SAFETY outweighs CONFIDENTIALITY; depending on the state in which you practice youth ministry, you may be a mandated reporter.

First, ASK the teen to tell their parent/guardian, or state that you would now like to tell their parent/guardian – but between the two of you, someone must tell them.

Additionally, BE PREPARED – Always have the home address(es) of each youth easily accessible in case you must be the one to call 9-1-1.



ENCOURAGE them to seek the help and advice of a counselor, therapist, or a supportive stranger by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). If a traditional talk therapist sounds intimidating to them, try Music Therapy, Art Therapy, or any other Creative Arts Therapy – research has proven these modalities to be effective for teens who are reluctant to attend talk therapy.

Other Ways To Care For Teenagers Experiencing Loneliness, Isolation, Anxiety, or Depression

CHECK-IN

Weekly or even daily personalized and individualized check-ins with at-risk and/or all youth (in-person, phone calls, texts, email, zoom calls – whatever is THEIR preference is best).

GET TOGETHER

Offer get-togethers as often as you can for your youth. If they are struggling, they may not attend each one; but knowing they frequently will have the option might help them not to feel alone.

CARE PACKAGES

Snail mail, 3rd party delivery (Uber Eats, Door Dash, Amazon etc.), or even front-door drop-off. Leave encouraging messages, a Bible if they don’t have one, snacks, whatever you think would make them feel loved.

ENCOURAGE COMMUNICATION

Not only with you, but with their friends, family, and others in the youth group. The more that teens can feel connected and not alone, the better!

GO OUTSIDE

Encourage your youth to go outside and get some fresh air and Vitamin D whenever they can! This change of scenery and the physical benefits of being outside and getting exercise can help all of us take a much-needed break and even change our thinking and perspective!

MUSIC & ARTS

Encourage active engagement in music listening and music-making, creating, and enjoying art – this can emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically benefit our brains and bodies!

As youth ministers, we can and MUST be helpful in the lives of our teenagers who are experiencing loneliness and isolation. It’s the best way to help them experience the love of Christ!


YMI blog author and music therapist Mallory Even

Mallory Even, LPMT, MT-BC, is a Board-Certified and Licensed Professional Music Therapist. She earned her degree in Music Therapy at The Florida State University, and has owned her private practice, Metro Music Therapy, which is based in Peachtree Corners, GA (NE Atlanta), for over 12 years. Mallory has a heart for using music to serve others, both professionally and personally, and has been a worship leader at various churches in Florida and Georgia throughout the last 20 years.


You can contact Mallory by sending her an email.


Relationships With Teens & Families

Benefits & Dangers of Relationships With Teens & Their Families

When I look back on my different ministry experiences, I don’t think about the books I read, or the conferences I attended, or the lessons I planned. I think about the relationships I developed with the teens with whom I worked. I think about what worked well because of the benefits of the relationships built, or what could have gone better if I had time to build better ones.

While I find relationships to be crucial to a thriving ministry, I wonder if there is a point where knowing my teens and their families can become too much. So, what are the benefits and dangers of knowing the young people with whom we work? Can we really know too much?

Defining the Benefits and Dangers


Benefits of Relationships With Teens

There are several facets to the job we do as youth ministers. We can be friends, counselors, teachers, referees, coaches, etc. I think we can all agree we wear multiple hats in our positions within the church.

But in all we do, it’s the relationships we build with our teens and their families that best define and support our role. Relationships are the very foundation on which most of our ministries stand. And the deeper those relationships grow, the better we can minister to the needs of those teens and their families.

What The Benefits Might Look Like

I can think of one teen with whom I work. I know him on a deep level. This teen attends most events, calls on non-youth group days, shows up to church early just to hang out. This teen tends to be transparent in sharing about life, sharing the highs and lows, struggles and achievements. It is not unusual for me to receive a text after he receives an award at school, or wants to celebrate a new skill.

Later, when he started experimenting with marijuana and stepped away from church activities, I felt comfortable talking with him about it. Subsequently, he was open and honest with me, as were the teen’s parents in sharing their concerns and expectations moving forward.

I credit this to my own tendencies toward transparency with my teens. Only when I trust them with some personal stories can they also begin to trust me with their personal stories.

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Another teen in my group has shared about a struggle she’s faced concerning self-mutilation and cutting. We’ve talked about issues that may trigger episodes. We’ve talked about coping strategies, and about finding a counselor with whom she could talk.

I have shared my heart with this teen, shared about my own struggles with self-doubt, depression, and loneliness. We have shared common ground in wanting to be enough and struggling to feel how we compare to others around us.

On one hand, knowing what my teens are facing allows me to help in deeper, more meaningful ways. It allows me to help where I can and to help provide resources for professionals that can help where I cannot.

Dangers of Relationships With Teens

On the other hand, knowing so much about my teens can be a heavy burden to bear. Especially when I want to fix every issue and know I cannot.

While I love the relationships I’ve developed with my teens, I find myself being careful. I don’t want lines to be crossed. When lines get crossed, I put myself and the teens at risk. That simply cannot happen within the church.

Teens need to know they have found a safe place. They need to experience the love of God in deep, meaningful ways. Then they can show that love to others.

I can remember my senior year in college. With graduation around the corner, I was coming to the end of my senior youth ministry internship. I remember meeting with my supervisor after an outing I had taken with some girls from my youth group. We talked about the benefits of being friends with the teens, but he also warned me about getting too close. Not in the sense that I can know too much, but that my authority may be in jeopardy as a teacher and disciplinarian.

It’s great to be a friend and pal to the teens – up to a point. But lines can get blurred quickly, my supervisor warned me, if I focus too much on the friendship. I quickly learned the difficulty I could face. It could be hard to switch gears from just being one of the kids to being the adult leader. Especially if I switched gears too soon or too late.

Even now, 16 years later, I must remind myself to keep the line in sight. I have to balance being the adult and making sure kids stay safe with being the teacher and friend to whom they will speak freely.

Don’t Lose Sight Of Your Own Well-Being

My heart aches for the young people with whom I work – for the teens growing up without their parents, for the teens struggling to feel like they are worth something. And sometimes, knowing the struggles they face is enough to make me question how long I can keep going in this career. Sometimes the burden just feels too heavy.

But I don’t carry that burden alone. I won’t be afraid to seek counseling if and when I need it. Having a professional sounding board to share my concerns, to help give me perspective when I feel like I’m losing it could very well be the difference between burning out early and carrying on in ministry for a lifetime. And while I do not currently have a professional counselor, I do have friends and family outside of my career that help me keep my eyes on Jesus. And thank God for Jesus – who promises to take our burdens and trade them for rest.


Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.


Should We Hold Teens Accountable To Their Faith

Holding Teens Accountable

Not Just Okay – It’s Necessary

Whether we realize it or not, it’s not just okay, but necessary to hold teens accountable to their faith. I remember when I was in high school, my youth minister laid out a daily reading plan for me. There was a certain number of chapters from the Old Testament, chapters from the New Testament, a Psalm, and Proverb every day.

We met together once a week to talk about what we were reading. I’d have time to ask questions about the stories – why things happened the way they did, or why God did things the way He did. And I remember once asking my youth minister if it was okay to listen to music while I read the Bible. Twenty-some years later, I still remember his thoughtful response.

He asked me if the music distracted me from the Scripture text. Did I find myself paying more attention to the music than the words I was reading?

It’s Not Easy To Be Held Accountable

See, as a teen, it wasn’t exactly an easy thing for me to stick to. Sitting in the quiet of my room, with just my Teen Study Bible was…well, it was boring. Yes, I wanted to grow in my knowledge and faith. But to sit down every day and read Scripture…I almost felt like it was asking too much.

But I also remember this – because of the decision I had recently made to follow Christ – my youth minister expected more of me.

Being a Christ follower was about more than just saying the words, it was about more than simply saying “I believe.”

It was about letting my actions speak out as well. It was about wanting to know Christ fully and using my life to actively speak and portray Christ’s love to others.

My youth minister knew this! And I know this now as I sit with teens in my youth group.

I want to hold the teens in my group accountable to a higher standard. I want them to know that following Christ is about so much more than attending youth group on Sunday afternoons. It’s about more than coming to Wednesday night Bible study.

Those things are good, don’t get me wrong. But having a full-on relationship with Christ is about more than that, right?

It’s about letting my life speak, diving deep into Scripture to discover God more fully, worshipping the Creator daily, and praying constantly.

We’re Called To Accountability

Being a Christ-follower is about holding each other accountable when we step from the path – when things get messy. Paul writes this to the churches in Galatia when he says, “Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important” (Galatians 6:1-3 NLT).

As a youth minister, this kind of hits me to the core. You are not that important. Ouch!

We Have A Job To Do

Our students need to know that being a Christ-follower means sharing the responsibility of being a Christ-follower with others. It means being able to recognize that missteps happen. It means understanding how to lovingly bring fellow Christ-followers back onto the path.

It’s not about pointing fingers and passing blame, but about taking responsibility for the times we mess up. It’s about repenting of one’s sins and moving forward in a loving community.

See, as youth ministers, we are called to help train and equip the teens in our youth groups for life after youth group. Are we giving our young people the tools they need to continue growing in their faith once they graduate from high school?

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The Bible study I started with my youth minister as a high schooler helped instill within me the discipline of daily reading – Scripture, devotions, etc. But maybe that’s not a feasible thing for you to do as a youth minister. Daily praying for your teens, weekly reminders, and encouragement for them to stick to their reading plans, even offering a simple daily post on social media may be enough to push your young people toward a discipline of daily faith practices.

Online Content – An Important Way To Help Hold Teens Accountable

Speaking of social media, maybe you’re like me and you follow your teens on social media. Many of my teens love sharing stories on Snapchat. They love making videos and sharing them on TikTok and taking photos and posting them to Instagram.

As their youth minister, I love seeing their creativity, goofiness, and style come through in what they post. But I’m also quick to reach out when I see posts that I find questionable or concerning.

I’ve had multiple conversations with teens about what they post and the impression that leaves on others. If what they’re posting calls into question their character as a Christ-follower, maybe they need to reconsider posting it.

The key here is gentle and respectful conversation.

Living Our Own Accountability

I’m not perfect in my faith. I need a faith community to walk alongside me and let me know when I need to do better. I, just like the youth people in my youth group, need to know that I’m accepted and loved when I mess up.

But as a youth minister, I also need to take responsibility for my own actions. I cannot expect to hold the teens in my youth group accountable to standards I do not hold to myself.

When on social media, I always keep my audience in mind – knowing that many of the young people in my group follow me on various accounts. I try not to post or share anything that could call my character as a Christ-follower into question. 

As a teen, I needed someone to call me out on my faith. I needed someone to challenge me and help me keep the path of Christ in focus. As a youth minister, I want to do the same thing for the young people in my church- when we hold teens accountable, we give them faith tools to equip them for life after high school.


Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.

Isolation And Loneliness in Teenagers

isolation and loneliness in teenagers

Let’s start with what we know

Firstly, we have all been young before. While we may never have felt isolation and loneliness as teenagers, we know the normal stressors that come with the territory such as…


Social Anxiety
Finding their place in the social scene; social media plays a HUGE role in this. Therefore, you may choose to fully extinguish or at least heavily limit phone usage during youth activities.

Physical Development & Hormones
And ALL that comes with it!

Familial Relationships
Some teens begin to pull away from the safety umbrella of mom/dad/guardian and attempt navigating this world on their own.

Educational Stress
Teens know they have only a few more years to “prove” themselves academically before they’ll be making their first splash into this world as adults.

Financial Stress
Some are wanting financial independence and freedom, and so they try to balance a potential job with their schoolwork, extracurriculars, and social activities.

Spiritual Stress
As awareness of the world around them continues to broaden, they may begin to ask, “Is what I have always been taught been proven to be true in my life? Will I get made fun of for believing this?

Teenage Brain Development

These stressors are the reasons that teens tend to isolate themselves from friends and family. In their minds, they have a lot to figure out, and very little time to do it.

In addition, we must also note that the prefrontal cortex does not finish developing until our early 20’s. That means that the portion of our brain that is responsible for focusing one’s attention, anticipating consequences and outcomes, controlling impulses, managing emotional reactions, and planning for the future, is still developing. Except we ask teenagers to control impulses, anticipate events and consequences, manage emotional reactions, and plan for the future. And we’ve been asking this of teens during a global pandemic which has forced isolation and loneliness on everyone, therefore causing much anxiety for children, teenagers and adults.

Anyone else see the potential problems here?

When teens get stressed, anxious, self-conscious, or upset, what follows is pulling away and isolation.

Think of the teenage brain as military troops in active battle. They get attacked repeatedly and must retreat to a base to regroup, reload, and sort out their next plan of action. Time away from others feels safe and is necessary. If there is too much time away, we must step in and make sure the teen is not heading toward unhealthy isolation or depression. (we’ll cover this more in-depth in part 2).

Here are a few ways that you can begin to engage young people now.

INTERESTED IN A YOUTH OR Children’s MINISTRY CERTIFICATION?

Accelerate your leadership and ministry through this 18-month program. We are launching our next cohort soon!

Ways To Engage Your Youth Right Now

OUTREACH
Many often conclude that there’s no better way to put our problems into perspective than by serving others in need. Try organizing group or individual projects like feeding the hungry, cleaning up a public park, making goodie bags for homebound people, doing yard work for folks in your community, and more.

SOCIAL OPPORTUNITIES
We know that teens need this now more than ever! In the words of long time youth minister Kathy Rexroad,

“Teens will naturally find ways to feel part of a group, even if the group is an unhealthy one. The job of the youth group is to make this a safe place for all to fit in!”

Be sure to encourage them to invite their friends. Hold events like ice cream parties and movie nights. Ask a church member to host a game night or dinner. Take your Bible study to the beach or a park.

SPIRITUAL GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES
This is why we do this work! Teens will not find this component in any of their other circles. We need to remember that these opportunities must be engaging, robust, and frequent.

Include them in selecting Bible studies and discussion topics. Worship together both on Sunday mornings and during youth gatherings, since we know that’s crucial for their spiritual growth. Empower them as leaders for the younger youth and children.

The Pandemic Factor On Isolation And Loneliness In Teenagers

While there is much to do for our youth right now, we must also remember that some stressors may have been temporarily mitigated by the pandemic. The social stress of fitting in may have been easier if youth have been participating in online schooling.

However, that stressor has come back as youth have entered school buildings again, and if their confidence is lacking, it may be a bigger stressor now than it was a year and a half ago. We need to be ready for this, always looking for ways to speak into their lives and build confidence in who they are as a person designed by and loved by God.

When Are Isolation And Loneliness Too Much For Teenagers?

Warning Signs That a Teen May Be Heading Toward Depression

If a teen has been very active in your youth ministry and suddenly drops out of all activity; withdrawing from normal activities that bring them pleasure (quitting sports, band, drama, etc.); lack of sleep or too much sleep; cutting on arms or wrists; verbalizations stating, they wish they were gone or that life would be easier for everyone around them if they weren’t here; and/or giving away possessions. Please consider referring families to a licensed counselor or therapist when you see these warning signs.

We know we’ve given you a lot to consider. Therefore, in an upcoming post (Isolation and Loneliness in Teenagers, Part 2 coming soon to the YMI blog), we will discuss further steps to take when your youth are exhibiting these signs.


YMI blog author and music therapist Mallory Even

Mallory Even, LPMT, MT-BC, is a Board-Certified and Licensed Professional Music Therapist. She earned her degree in Music Therapy at The Florida State University, and has owned her private practice, Metro Music Therapy, which is based in Peachtree Corners, GA (NE Atlanta), for over 12 years. Mallory has a heart for using music to serve others, both professionally and personally, and has been a worship leader at various churches in Florida and Georgia throughout the last 20 years.


You can contact Mallory by sending her an email.


Did You Forget About Parents of Teens?

parents of teens

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in youth ministry—a lot!

Many of my mistakes came when I first started as a youth minister because I had no idea what I was doing. I devoured lots (and lots) of books to teach me what I needed to know, but I found that when actually doing youth ministry, I forgot much of what I read.

Sometimes I mistakenly sacrificed my students’ needs to focus on programs. And other times I remembered my students, but I forgot about my volunteers. What might be somewhat surprising is that my greatest oversight was not with students or volunteers—it was with parents of teens!

How to Support Parents of Teens


Why We Forget about Parents of Teens

Maybe you have neglected the importance of parents as cultivators of their teen’s spiritual growth. Here are two reasons why that might resonate with you:

I wasn’t a parent myself. Since I wasn’t a parent, and because my own parents were never involved in my faith while growing up, I forgot about the importance of parent participation in the spiritual life of teens.

I was told youth faith development was my job. When I began in youth ministry, I found that many parents assumed that their teen’s spiritual growth was solely my responsibility. The logic was simple- the church hired me to do the spiritual stuff. This is a tremendous weight on the youth minister’s shoulder. It also limits parents’ involvement to only “pick up” and “drop off” responsibilities.

Parents are central to the spiritual development of teenagers.

And if that’s the case, then as youth ministers, we need to support parents in fostering the spiritual growth of their teens. But how?

Interested in a Youth Ministry Certification?

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Helping to Motivate Parents

One of the primary ways we can support parents is by motivating them. You may find that many parents lack the motivation to nurture spiritual growth in their teens because either (1) They don’t know why it’s important, or (2) they don’t know what to do.

If parents don’t know why being a spiritual leader is important, how can we expect them to be motivated to take on that responsibility?

Take a few minutes to write down a few bullet points on why parents should assume the role of spiritual teacher of their teen. Try to give as many reasons as you can, and even attempt to commit some of these reasons to memory.

This exercise will help you practice articulating an answer to why. Parents may ask you why it is not solely your job; why it’s better to have their involvement as well. When you commit these points to memory, you provide yourself with a well-articulated purpose. Then you will be prepared to motivate parents to take on the responsibility for themselves.

If parents don’t know how to act as teens’ spiritual teachers, how can we expect them to fulfill that role?

Another way we can support parents is by providing them with practical resources. Nobody likes to do a job they feel unequipped to do. Most of your parents did not go to Bible college or seminary, nor are they reading the latest books on youth ministry, so they need help.

So, here’s a list of a few practical resources which you can provide your parents to help them gain confidence:

Literature

Parents are not usually up to date with all the youth ministry resources available. You can help by sharing these resources with them. Books like Sticky Faith and blog posts on popular youth ministry blogs (like Youth Ministry Institute) that are pertinent to parents are worth sharing.

Classes

Have you ever thought about hosting a class for your parents? Consider hosting a class series for parents and their teens on navigating their faith through topics such as technology, sex, and drugs. These classes also provide a catalyst for parents and their teens to discuss such topics at home.

Accountability

Sometimes all parents need to know is that they are not alone. Accountability can work in many ways. One way that may be helpful for parents to practice accountability is to encourage their family to participate in church-wide activities, such as a Lenten fast.

Don’t Forget to Listen!

The final, and most important, resource is the power of listening. Many parents just want to know that you are there for them.

Listening is especially helpful for youth ministers who do not have kids of their own. Listen to your youth’s parents and talk with them about how you can come alongside and encourage them.

When you motivate parents by explaining why their involvement is needed, provide them with how-to resources that give them confidence, and take time to listen to them, you avoid the common mistake of forgetting how valuable parents can be as spiritual leaders.


Zack holds a Master of Divinity degree, a bachelor’s in Biblical and Theological Studies from Palm Beach Atlantic University, and he is also an alumnus of YMI. He has the pleasure of serving as the Director of Youth & Young Adults and the Website & Social Media Coordinator at Sanlando United Methodist Church in Longwood, FL. Zack loves spending time with his wife, Olivia, usually by soaking up the Florida sun at the beach together.

Four Reasons Your Student Are Not Connecting

students are not connecting

It can be a difficult task to make a difference in a student’s life. Sometimes, it can feel like there are many obstacles that you have to deal with to impact students. While that is true, if your students are connecting with each other, you will definitely find it easier to impact the students in your ministry positively.

If you’ve done youth ministry for any length of time, you have probably discovered that this does not generally happen on its own. So, what are some things that might keep your students from connecting with each other?

Here are four reasons in particular that your students are not connecting.

FOUR REASONS YOUR STUDENTS ARE NOT CONNECTING

You Have Not Created a Culture of Fun

I know, I know. “Youth ministry is more than just fun and games.” That is true. But, students most easily step into new friendships and strengthen old ones in fun situations. I am sure you remember this from your middle and high school years as well.

So, be intentional about the games that you play; think them through beforehand. Who is going to enjoy this game? Is the playing field relatively even? Is it fun to watch for those who are not playing or who got eliminated? Are you repeating the same games over and over again?

You also need to be intentional in including fun in your youth ministry events calendar. Make space for students to connect out in the world. Play mini-golf. Spend a day at the beach. Schedule a movie night. Have a silly theme one youth group night. Just be sure to do things your students will enjoy together.

One of the great things about youth ministry is that it puts students together who might not otherwise socialize. Make the most of those times.

Prayer is Not a Big Enough Part of The Ministry

I love to see students develop memories or inside jokes from a game or trip, but that is not a connection that will get them through tough times. Simply having students share prayer requests aloud in the group allows them to be vulnerable in the group. As they do that, others connect to that vulnerability.

Praying allowed shows students that they are not alone in their struggles.

Additionally, students can start to see how much another student cares for them when they hear them pray aloud. I am sure that you have vivid memories of how loved you felt when hearing someone else’s prayers for you. While your students may not articulate or even understand it, hearing other students pray for them goes a long way toward greater connectedness.

You Do Not Have a Plan For New Students

What do you do when a new student shows up and does not have a friend with them? If you cross your fingers and hope they make some new friends, that will probably not work out. At the very least, you need to get some information from them and/or their parents upfront.

What is their current grade? What school do they attend? How did they hear about your ministry? Questions like these can tell you whether or not you already have some students in your group whom they might know or with which to connect.

“You go to __ school? So does Ashley! Let me introduce you to her!”

While this does not guarantee a student will return, it will develop a better culture of connection among your students.

Want a better plan for new students?

Leadership coaching may be just what you need!

You Are Not Doing Small Groups

Some of your students are going to open up more naturally than others. But a lot of your students will find it easier to be open and honest about their lives in a smaller group setting. So you need to create small group opportunities regularly.

This might mean adding meeting times throughout the week or month specifically for small groups. Or it might mean that you plan to have your whole group broken up into smaller groups after your message regularly. Whatever method you prefer, make sure you are creating small group opportunities. Your students will find meaningful connections with each other a lot easier this way.

As your students become more and more connected to each other, you will find that barriers to spiritual growth begin to disappear. Be intentional in connecting students to each other. They will be a lot more likely to stick it out in their faith if they are walking toward Jesus side-by-side.


Skylar Jones serves as Youth and Family Minister at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church in DeLand, FL. He has worked in many different capacities since he began serving the church nearly 20 years ago. Skylar is married and has a son. He met his wife at Berry College, in Rome, GA, where he graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English. He enjoys sports, music, long walks on the beach, and anything made by Reese’s. Click the social links below to engage with Skylar.