Category Archives: Youth Ministry

Teens, Parents, and Youth Ministry Communication

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Teenagers tend to naturally leave their parents in the dark. Should we do the same as Youth Ministers? And how important is parent communication?

When I was growing up in youth ministry (in the ’90s), my parents were both very involved in my youth programing. My mom was the snack lady and my dad was the mission trip guy. They were not weekly small group leaders, but my friends’ parents were. I know that I loved having meaningful relationships with my friends’ moms and dads. Plus, I think my parents appreciated having other trusted parents in the “know” when it came to what was going on in my life. Because of my upbringing, youth ministry and parents go hand-in-hand for me.

Later in life, when I started in youth ministry, the question that all churches and Youth Ministers were wrestling with was, “Should teens be a Mickey Mouse ear to the church, or do we involve parents and the rest of the church in youth ministry?”

I have known Youth Ministers that have chosen to not have parents as volunteers. I have also known those that only relay information about their program to teens directly.

But I have to ask – we all know that teenagers do not have fully developed brains, right? This is not a secret. So why are we trusting the information that we as leaders share with them is getting back to their parents? We’ve all played telephone before – it always gets botched up at the end!

Parents really are such a vital part of youth ministry and it can be a real miss for youth programs that leave parents in the dark. A popular youth curriculum called “Orange” has a strategy for how they market their youth ministry:

“We believe that two combined influences make a greater impact than just two individual influences. No one has more potential to influence a kid than their parent. The average church only has 40 hours in a given year to influence a life; the average parent has 3,000 hours per year to influence a life.”

You want parents not only to be informed about what’s happening in the youth ministry but also want them to root for you. They may even cheer you on for being such an awesome communicator.

So how should you communicate with parents? As a communications major, my line of thinking is always OVER communicate!  Email. Text. Handouts. Social Media. Newsletters. Word of mouth. Phone Calls. Face-to-face gatherings or meetings over coffee.

Need help communicating with parents? Take a look at the impact YMI Coaching can have on your ministry!

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They say it takes someone seven different times to hear something before they fully absorb the information. You will still get a handful of youth and parents saying they “didn’t know” or “didn’t hear.” But if you know you have put the information out there multiple times and in multiple ways, you have done your part and can rest your head easy at night.

We, as youth ministers, communicate and let parents into our ministries because we know that we cannot do our jobs well without their support, their relationships, and their knowledge. We are a part of their village helping to influence their teens, not the other way around.

Parents deserve clear and consistent communication from their youth ministers because we are their support system. Consequently, they become ours as well!

Emily Felgenhauer is a graduate of the Youth Ministry Institute and became a certified Youth Minister in 2010. She has been in youth ministry for 14 years between two different churches in the Florida United Methodist Conference. She recently began serving as the Director of Youth Ministry at First United Methodist Church of Lakeland. Emily currently lives in Brandon, FL with her chocolate lab named Cubby.

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Meh or Memorable: Welcoming Sixth-Graders Well

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As a kid, church was a normal part of my life. During the week, I can remember attending children’s choir practice. I remember children’s church on Sunday mornings. I remember Easter egg hunts at the pastor’s house, and Christmas plays in the sanctuary. Mostly, I remember being one of the rising sixth-graders anxiously awaiting the day I could move up to youth group.

The youth room in our church was the coolest in the building. There were brightly colored couches, a ping pong table, and a fridge filled with soda! I couldn’t wait to cross that threshold as a rising sixth-grader!

I honestly don’t remember a lot about starting youth group but I remember feeling shy around the older kids. But I don’t remember the logistics of how things progressed. I remember we had “move-up Sunday.” As a graduating fifth-grader, I received a Bible and that afternoon, I started attending youth group.

As a youth minister, I want to be more conscious of the transition of sixth-graders into my youth group – I want them to be as excited about starting youth group as I was, and I want their experience to be memorable.

Before Sixth-Graders Join Your Youth Ministry

Plug into the Kids’ Ministry

I make it a point to work closely with the children’s minister. We are in constant communication about annual events (VBS, Easter egg hunts, Trunk or Treat, etc.) I try to be a regular fixture and volunteer for all major kids’ ministry events.

Maybe that means being a small group leader for the fifth-graders during Vacation Bible School. Or maybe that means helping lead crafts at the annual Easter fest. After all, they will be rising sixth-graders soon! 

I also try to work a few multi-generational events into our regular calendar. A couple of times a year, we host movie nights for all ages. We host a Parents Night Out – an evening for parents to drop their kids at church for free childcare (provided by adult volunteers and teens from the youth group) while they enjoy a few hours on their own.

Allowing time for the teens and children to interact is crucial in helping ease the transition from one program to another. Events like these allow the teens to practice their leadership and mentoring skills and they allow the kids to engage with the teens in personal and tangible ways.

Becoming a regular presence for the children and allowing teens to do so will grant the ability to begin building relationships early. In addition, it will allow you to learn the names of those kids getting ready to join youth group and help the kids feel at ease when it’s their time to move up.

Get to Know the Parents

I’m not a parent, but I am an aunt. Watching my nieces and nephews grow up is an exciting and slightly heartbreaking time. I love watching them discover new things! I love watching them grow. But I also wish time would slow down a little. I can imagine parents feel the same way, probably multiplied by ten!

Being a regular presence in the children’s ministry will not only allow you to get to know the kids, but it will also give you a space to get to know the parents. Opening the doors to parents and building relationships with them will help put them at ease as their child is a fifth-grader prepared to move up into youth ministry.

Rising Sixth-Graders Youth Group Preview Day

As the school year draws to a close, it may be beneficial to offer a preview day for parents and rising sixth graders to learn about youth group. This could be a time to allow youth and parents to explore the youth meeting location, to interact with the volunteer team, for the youth minister to share the mission and vision of the youth program, and for parents to ask questions and voice any concerns they may have. This can also be a time to set a starting date for new youth to start attending regular youth group meetings and events.

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Personal Follow-up

Consider the follow-up and personal touches that can make a new youth feel significant. After your preview day with youth-written letters welcoming each sixth-grader to the youth group family. The letter will likely end up in their bible, bulletin board, or book. Wherever the letter ends up is insignificant – what will matter is the statement of value it makes to the recipient.

I think we can all agree, the step from the children’s ministry into the youth ministry is a big one – and not just for the kids. It can be exciting and scary for the kids and the parents. I’ve lost youth in the past by not properly helping prepare them. As Youth Ministers, we can help make that transition easier for the new sixth-graders by collaborating with parents to make their kids as comfortable as possible, by building relationships early and nurturing those relationships as the kids become teens.

Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.

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Making Change In Ministry

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You know the urge. You look around the youth room, your program, or even the team and think – I really need to make changes. But should you? How do you properly time change in ministry?

A Change of Photos

When I started in my position, nearly four years ago, I remember walking into the youth room. One of the first things I saw was a bulletin board covered in photos of kids I didn’t know. There were photos from mission trips from years prior, photos of boat trips and trips to Disney and local water parks. The faces smiling back at me were kids long aged out of the youth program.

Immediately, I saw a change in ministry that I needed to make.

I knew to help move things forward, this board (or at least the photos) would have to come down. I also knew I needed to be careful.

While those pictures may have been dated by a few years, one young person’s face in those photos was still active within the youth ministry. I knew he’d had a strong connection with the previous Youth Minister, and I didn’t want to do anything to fracture that connection.

Those were some of his memories on that board. So, I left it alone for about a year.

When I felt the time was right, I asked the young person for his blessing in taking the photos down. I asked him to help me, allowed him to look through the photos and keep the ones he wanted. The rest we put into box and stored in a closet in the youth room.

It was a minor change. But it was a step toward making the youth room a space belonging to the current group. It gave us a chance to begin making our own memories to display.

So, when is it okay to make changes (big or small) in a youth ministry?

Timing Change

If you are just getting started in a new ministry, it can be easy to start making changes immediately. I would caution against this, for at least six months – maybe even a year.

Giving yourself, and the youth group, that time to grow relationally is critical. It gives you time to get a feel for the ministry and to build relationships with young people and adults.

Listening Well

Allow the young people, the volunteers, and parents involved in the ministry to share their hearts.

Let them share what has worked well in the past (along with why they think it worked well). And let them share stories of things that maybe haven’t worked well. This can be a great time for them to share their thoughts on what changes they’d like to see.

Your Vision For Changes

You can also take this time to share ideas for things you would like to do – whether it’s introducing a new program, a new lesson, or maybe it’s getting rid of an old program.

The key is to allow for open communication for those potentially impacted by the change.

When to Make Immediate Changes

Sometimes, though, waiting isn’t the best option. And sometimes the changes we need to make aren’t major. Sometimes the change needs to be an internal one.

I tend to teach by the Socratic Method. I present a topic, have teens share in reading Scripture, and lead their discussion by asking questions.

Sometimes this works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

I’ve learned that by changing the way I present a lesson can make a drastic difference in how the teens respond. If discussion isn’t flowing, maybe I try lecturing for a time. Or maybe we try a video series for a few weeks. Or maybe we skip the lesson altogether and just spend time together.

Sometimes the change has to be an internal one – an acceptance that, as the Youth Minister, we don’t always get it right.

We have to be willing to be flexible and adapt to the immediate needs of our teens.

Changing Sunday School

Let’s face it, we’ve all been faced with the issue of change within our ministries. Sometimes the changes are big. Sometimes they’re small.

One change I made within my own ministry was to do away with Sunday school. It was a major change I made about a year after my hire.

I’d just read Sticky Faith and felt a connection to the suggestion within the pages. But the ultimate reason was to better allow my youth to be present during worship.

Sunday school took place during the 9:30 worship service. Young people would come to church with their families; their parents would attend worship while we left the church building to go to our youth room. We’d spend 45 minutes chatting, sometimes struggling through a lesson, and then try to make it back to the worship service in time for communion.

The teens would then leave church with their families, sometimes never engaging with the broader church community.

I felt like the young people were isolated. Adults in the church didn’t see the teens regularly, and the young people did little to interact with the broader congregation. So, I made a change.

Primary Purpose of Change

Change within a ministry program should always be about fostering relationships. Priority should always be given to fostering the teens’ relationship with God.

Is the change allowing for growth? Will this change help young people to experience God in a new and personal way? Is the change fostering relationships within the broader church community? Are teens being engaged and challenged in their faith by others outside their immediate church circles?

If I can answer yes to these questions, I feel like the youth ministry is headed in the right direction. If not, well then maybe there’s a change in the making.

Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.

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Engaging The Talents Of Teens

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Have you ever thought that ownership and talents go together? Perhaps the teens in your youth group are just looking for a place to use their talents. And I wonder, could talents be a key to their faith?

If your youth group is anything like mine, you’ve got a hodge-podge of teens with various gifts, talents, and skills. My group currently has one extremely talented athlete whose goal is to try out for every sport her school offers before high school. We have a few musicians in our group – many of them active in their school orchestras. One of our middle school boys loves to dance and isn’t shy about doing so every time a song comes on with a decent beat.

We also have an aspiring chef in our group! He’s currently enrolled in the culinary program at the local community technical college. He wants to go to culinary school after graduation and open his own restaurant.

Considering Our Purpose And Their Talents

Now bear with me for just a moment…

My goal as Youth Minister is to introduce my teens to the gospel. It is my desire to share with them the love of Jesus Christ and to equip them to do the same for others.

That said, it is also my goal to help develop them as young people. It is my goal to support them and encourage them in their individual endeavors. It is my goal to speak affirmation into their lives as they pursue their interests and passions. Giving teens an avenue to explore their gifts, within the scope of the church and ministry, is a great way to help cultivate their spirituality.

Young people will learn through experience, what their faith is about, how to express it, and ways to grow in their faith.

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If I can encourage them to display their talents within the church setting, a young person who feels jaded toward the church may find their heart opening to God in a new and real way. Not only does this give the teens an avenue of expression, but it also allows them to feel invested and valued within the church family – to experience God in a way they may never have before.

Allowing teens to use their talents helps develop them as individuals and helps them learn what worship means. It helps them experience worship in outside-the-box ways, perhaps bringing them to the realization that worship does not just have to look one certain way.

So what are some ways we can open avenues for young people to use their talents within our ministries?

3 Avenues For Young People To Use Their Talents

Youth Sunday

Most of us have led Sunday morning worship with our teens at least once. This is a prime time to showcase our young people, to allow them to help lead worship in intimate and personal ways.

Maybe you have some musicians who can step up and lead the congregation in song. Perhaps the thespians in your group would step out and lead worship with a skit. Maybe that middle school boy who loves to dance can do a freestyle interpretive dance during the offertory!

Giving our teens this kind of outlet helps them to experience worship in new and personal ways. It allows them to take some ownership of how they express their adoration for God.

Youth Group

While youth Sunday seems to be a once-a-year occurrence, youth group happens at least once a week for most of us. Allowing young people to assume leadership of a youth group meeting (maybe even just once a month) is a great avenue for them to use their talents and gifts. Maybe they can write their own prayer, share their testimony, or write a devotion and share it with the group.

The musicians in your group can lead weekly worship for your meetings. Maybe you have a teen gifted in teaching. Allowing them to teach a lesson or preach could boost their confidence immensely!

What about the chef in your group? Why not let him fix a meal for the group! Instead of recruiting an adult from the congregation to supply tacos for your group, help the young chef create a menu and prepare a meal for your group once a month. This allows them to develop their skills, but it also allows you, as the leader, to show just how much you appreciate them.

Service Opportunities

Encouraging your teens to serve the community can be challenging. Focusing on the things that drive your teen will also drive their desire to serve.

That young chef in your group could help organize a community meal! Maybe the dancers and musicians in your group could lead a community workshop for kids – teaching the dances and songs of worship!

Perhaps, as the pandemic ends and facilities open, you can take those skills to a local nursing home. The athletes in your group could become coaches for community leagues. Upward is a great example of incorporating athletic skills, sportsmanship, and faith. They could even get plugged into their school’s FCA program and share their faith journey with others.

The key to engaging teens is to first learn what drives them and then tapping into those passions for the ministry. Teens will take ownership of a program and their faith when they feel they have something to offer. And they have so much to offer!

Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.

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Long-Range Planning The Right Way

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Have you ever tried to do long-range planning, only to discover you get too busy to put that plan into place? Or you worked on a plan, but no one seems to get excited about that plan?

Long-range planning is important – you know this. Many of us can come up with a long-range plan but struggle with actually making that plan happen.

Let’s talk about why, and how you might be able to finally make that plan happen.

Long-Range Planning

Last year was different in that it contained several months where we were kept cloistered inside due to the pandemic – at least that was my situation in the State of Maryland. When restrictions relaxed a bit during the summer, I decided to take my wife and three young-adult children on a mini road trip. 

Nothing big, we didn’t even leave the state. The trip involved driving to all my childhood homes and schools. I wanted them to see some of the actual places from the many stories they had heard over the years. There wasn’t much of an itinerary, so we just started driving.

The long-range plan was to hit about five or six stops along the way and end up back at home. The trip took about three hours. I honestly didn’t think they would enjoy this venture nearly as much as they did, and they genuinely thanked me for planning the day.

What Is A Long-Range Plan?

That’s a very simplistic example of long-range planning. A long-range plan says, “We are here, at ‘X’, and we want to get there, to ‘Y’.”

My plan was, “We’re starting from our house, we’ll stop at five or six spots, and we’ll end up back home.” A long-range plan is very different from a vision or strategic plan.

A strategic plan is an action plan that leads an organization towards a preferable future.

It asks the journalistic questions: who, what, when, where, why and how?

Most youth ministries create long-range plans – “We’re here, and we want to get there.” Few have really thought out or worked through a strategic plan. I highly recommend that such a plan be prioritized.

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However, the task of creating a vision or strategic plan is no easy undertaking, and it certainly shouldn’t be done in a vacuum. Since the goal of such a plan is to point toward a preferable future, creating a vision or strategic plan should involve a number of people with and for whom the journey toward the future will involve.

So, just who should be involved?

Who To Involve In Planning

Jesus

The classic church answer to every question, right?  However, pointing toward a future that doesn’t take into consideration the guidance of the Holy Spirit isn’t one worth pursuing. 

Proverbs 19:21 informs us, “People can make all kinds of plans, but only the Lord’s plan will happen.”

So, before you start any type of vision or strategic plan, begin with prayer, and continue to hold your plans with open hands as the Lord leads and guides.

Church Leadership

Every church has a biblical mandate to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19-20). However, the way each church expresses that biblical mandate can (and probably should) be expressed differently.

A wise youth minister will take into consideration their church’s unique expression of that biblical mandate as they seek to create a vision or strategic plan.

A foolish youth minister will attempt to create a preferable future without ever considering the overall goals, objectives, and strategies of their church leadership.

Involve your leadership!

Volunteers

Youth ministry is a team sport (think football), not a solo sport (think golf). It truly takes a team mentality and approach to create and maintain a healthy and fruitful youth ministry.

Any attempt to approach a vision or strategic plan with a golf mentality only makes the attempt more challenging – and ultimately less fruitful.

When approaching such a plan, it is wise to involve a number of your key volunteers. Include a variety of folks – different ages, backgrounds, years in service, and those with a variety of gifts. The goal is to get different perspectives that help minimize blind spots and generate new ideas.

As it says in Proverbs (15:22), “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Parents

The longer you are in youth ministry, the more you will realize that you are not just ministering to students, you are ministering to parents and families as well. With that in mind, it is wise to include parents in the planning process.

Parents can provide a unique perspective regarding a number of different areas of ministry. In addition to their perspective, when included, it creates a stronger parent-ministry partnership. 

Students

This might seem silly, but don’t discount the value that students can add to the planning process.

Although limited in maturity and experience, students offer a valuable perspective. They can open a window into the thinking of the audience the youth ministry is attempting to reach.

Not only is their perspective potentially valuable but being part of the planning process can be a tremendous inspiration to them to get more involved in the ministry once the plan is initiated.

As a bonus, you might just be including your future youth ministry volunteers in the process.

There are certainly others that you might want to consider involving in the planning process (former students, someone from outside of your church context), but these five are “musts” for including in your youth ministry vision or strategic planning process.

If the process seems overwhelming, or daunting, it may be beneficial for you to join Youth Ministry Institute’s upcoming cohort – where strategic planning will be part of the conversation. Or you may consider bringing in a YMI staff member to help you with the process – we will help you guide these audiences toward the results that you desire to see.

Whether you seek the support of us at YMI or you go it alone, the key is to get started today. Bring in these audiences and begin creating a strategic plan – you may just be surprised what you can accomplish!

Brent Squires - Author

Brent Squires has dedicated the last twenty-three years of his life to student ministry. As the Student Ministry Pastor at Bay Area Community Church in Annapolis, Maryland, Brent provides leadership and development for three campus student ministry directors. He oversees a staff of seven, as well as almost 100 volunteers at the broadcast campus. His ministry consists of over 300 middle, high, and college-age students representing 30 area schools. He has been married for twenty-nine years, has three young-adult children, and one pit bull. Brent is also the co-host of the How’d They Do That? podcast. Prior to full-time ministry, Brent oversaw luxury seating for the team formerly known as the Washington Redskins.

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Ministry Planning For Success & Not Burnout

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Did you know that poor planning can actually lead to ministry burnout, conflict, and a failing ministry? Planning is more than just a calendar.

My first two years in youth ministry and my experience in planning for the ministry left a lot to be desired. As I moved from being an intern to leading the program on my own, I quickly learned to just fill in the blanks of a calendar with events that had been done in previous months/years.

Our monthly leadership meetings were basically an hour of me sitting at a table with parents and a couple teens from our group, looking at the calendars I had planned and telling them what we would be doing. Parents were not asked for their thoughts and teens never really gave any feedback (mostly because they weren’t given the option).

I left that position convinced that I would never do full-time ministry again. And looking back, I think a lot of that thinking had to do with how those “planning meetings” were handled (or not handled).

I was doing all the work on my own and it had caused rapid burnout within my soul. I was tired.  

When it comes to planning, both long-term and short-term, it really just takes a little bit of time and creativity and a LOT of open discussion with your volunteers, teens and parents.

Long-Term Planning

Planning In An Established Ministry

It can be intimidating to think a year in advance. It can be really intimidating to think two or three…or even five years ahead.

The first thing you’ll want to do, though, is talk with the teens, the volunteers, and parents involved with the ministry. Let them voice their concerns, desires, and wishes for the ministry. But also let this be a time when the mission and vision of the ministry are discussed.

Does the current calendar help further the mission/vision?
Are there any ways the mission or vision needs to change?

Allow their voices to help you build the ministry.

If you’re new to a position, entering an established ministry, you may want to take care when planning events. It can be best to take it slow when introducing new programs or events. Chances are there are some traditional events that teens (and leaders) have grown attached to.

Talk with teens and leaders within the program to get a better understanding of what they are used to doing. And for a while, maybe keep doing those things – especially if those programs and events have been done for several years.

Planning For A Newly Developed Ministry

If you are new to a position, faced with building a program from the ground up, you may have a little more leeway in planning new events.

When I entered my current position, I had almost total freedom in planning our monthly calendars! The teens and parents were just glad to have a regular program again.

While there was an established schedule for weekly youth group meetings, we had a blank slate for planning. It was exciting to have that freedom – but it was also very intimidating. Working with the teens and parents eased the intimidation and created excitement about what we were establishing.

Learning to accept the help and feedback of those involved in the ministry is crucial. Planning should not be done in a bubble.

Planning And Leaving A Position

It can seem pointless planning for a ministry that you’ll no longer be leading. Maybe it’s even tempting to just cut and run.

Here’s my advice – make plans, but keep them simple.

Gather your leaders, gather your parents, gather your youth, and have an open discussion. The yearly calendar you have planned should be the focus of this discussion – allowing the opportunity for parents and volunteers to step in and continue running things in your stead.

There’s no guarantee that a new Youth Minister will be hired to fill your vacant spot as soon as you leave. In order to make it easier for the ministry to continue without you, have a solid group of volunteers available and a clear set of plans available for them.

Short-Term Planning

You know those monthly planning meetings you have with your ministry team? This is a great time to not only remind everyone of the mission/vision of the ministry, but it’s also a great time to discuss what to do when long-term plans fall through.

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Sometimes things do not go according to plan. You may have planned to go bowling. But, what happens when the bowling alley doesn’t have the lanes to offer your group? What happens then?

Maybe you schedule a trip to the zoo to see Christmas lights every December. But this year, only two kids show up and they don’t even really want to go to the zoo. What do you do then?

It’s always a good idea to have a back-up plan available. If discussed with your ministry team ahead of time, you will have their support when plans need to change suddenly.

But always, ALWAYS keep open the lines of communication with the parents of any teens involved. Allowing parents to remain aware of a change in plans will save you from angry phone calls from concerned parents when their kids get home, and they discover you didn’t go to the zoo after all (Trust me on this!)

Planning In Community

Remembering to plan in community is critical. I have often fallen into the trap of planning in a bubble, and then I feel disappointed when it seems the group does not respond favorably to something.

One thing I try to do – I AWAYS try to keep the vision and mission of our ministry in mind. And when you’re planning in community, you have a group of people to help hold you accountable to this!

And maybe that’s the greatest takeaway from all of this.

We don’t plan things just so we have stuff to do. I mean, sure, sometimes teens just need time to hang out and be together. But most of your planning needs to revolve around how you can further the church’s and ministry’s mission. If you’re not doing that…how can you fulfill the call to make disciples?

Sarah Taylor has been the youth director at Gulf Cove United Methodist Church in Port Charlotte, Florida, since 2017. She has a Master’s Degree in Youth Ministry from Wesley Seminary as well as a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. She loves books and writing, has a borderline obsession with Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls, and loves Cherry Pepsi. She lives in North Port, Florida, with her 14-year-old cat, Milo.

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Hiring A New Youth Or Children’s Minister

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What if you are hiring the wrong person? Where do we find quality candidates that will fit our church’s culture and context? How can we hire someone who will last? How long will it take you to find your next Children’s or Youth Minister?

These are a few questions that come flooding in as you begin searching to hire a new staff person. If you have experienced this as a supervisor before, you probably recall the emotions of that moment. Depending on the fallout that came after the transition, it may be one of those situations etched in your memory.

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Give yourself a moment to be still, to be aware of your anxieties, and to prepare yourself for the journey of searching for your next Children’s or Youth Minister.  

As you lead your team and church through this process, it is helpful to remember you are not the only one asking these questions and feeling the weight of the uncertainty that change brings. Likely, you are also navigating the fears and anxieties of the children or youth, families, and staff members regarding who will be the next Children’s or Youth Minister and what will happen in the meantime.

Leading through the uncertainty of what’s next and others’ emotions takes significant time and energy, especially since you also juggle all your other essential responsibilities.

Here are 4 tips on leading through the transition and hiring.

4 Tips on Leading Through Transition And Hiring

Be aware

This is a personal and emotional time for those involved and affected by the ministry. Expect a lot of emotions. First, be aware that you are not responsible for “rescuing” them from the sadness or anger they are feeling. Second, be mindful of the pressure you feel that could cause you to rush through the hiring process.

Give your church and families permission to grieve 

Ministry is highly relational, making it so impactful and painful when transitions in leadership happen. Phrases like “this is hard” will give those struggling with the change the space to feel and process their emotions. Sitting with them in their fears and even sharing some of your own can be helpful. This transition season will also allow you to teach them how to navigate change in healthy ways, which is much needed and valuable skill in our world today.  

Give them a reasonable hiring timeline

The timeline is a critical step in setting this transition up for success. And often, this step is overlooked. The average time it takes to hire a new Children’s or Youth Minister is 3 to 4 months.

Be prepared that people may push back on this timeframe because of their desire to move from the unknown to the known quickly. Therefore, setting this expectation from the beginning of the process will help others manage their expectations and give the process the attention it needs for you to hire well.

To help you explain why the process usually takes 3 – 4 months, here is a resource for you that outlines the steps involved in hiring and the average time each step takes. Sharing all the steps and timelines involved in hiring will increase their confidence in the process and the outcome, plus help everyone exercise patience. 

Create a plan for the hiring transition

Create a team with those involved in the ministry to develop a plan for the next 3 – 4 months. This team will help you on multiple levels. Not only will it help you create a plan moving forward, but it will also give those affected by the transition a voice in the process, a clear pathway on how they can help fill the gaps, and a sense of control. 

We are most vulnerable in seasons of change. Since feeling vulnerable isn’t a comfortable feeling, it is tempting to rush through the process and settle for less than the right person for your church. Resist rushing. Give each step in the hiring timeline the attention and time needed to put your church in a position of strength moving forward.

Kirsten Knox, Senior Director of Ministry Partnerships

Kirsten Knox is the Executive Director of Youth Ministry Institute. Kirsten was part of the second class to complete the Youth Ministry Institute two-year coaching and training class in 2009. She has since been a coach on multiple occasions. Kirsten Knox is married and a graduate of Asbury University with a degree in youth ministry.  She began working in youth ministry in 2000, serving Pasadena Community United Methodist Church for a decade and still ministers to young people at Radius Church in St. Petersburg, FL. Click the social links below to engage with Kirsten.

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Must-Have Youth Ministry Hats

Must Have Youth Ministry Hats
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When my son Paul was in first grade, we moved from the Washington, DC. area, to Pittsburgh, PA. I had just taken a new youth ministry job, and the move was pretty big for the whole family. As well as all three of my children, I was born just outside of D.C., so naturally, I raised my children to cheer for the team formerly known as the Washington Redskins. My children had all the gear – shirts, hoodies, jerseys, and of course, hats. The problem was that Redskin hats in Steelers country don’t really work, but how do you tell your six-year-old son that he can no longer wear his favorite sports team’s hat now that we were living in a new city? I didn’t tell him, and he continued to wear his favorite hat.

On Paul’s first bus ride to his new school, a bully decided it would be funny to grab his hat off his head and throw it out the window. As he did, the other kids on the bus laughed. Paul was humiliated. That evening when I asked Paul how his first day of school went, he told me about the incident. I was furious. He was hopeful. He simply told me that he saw where the hat had landed, and asked if we could go back to look for it.  Miraculously, the hat was still near the spot where that bully had thrown it out the bus window.  Paul got his hat back. I told Paul that he might want to more carefully consider the types of hats he wears from now on.

Why do I tell this story? Well, I was thinking about hats we wear in youth ministry.

As Youth Ministers, we don’t just wear our one, favorite hat. And we need to carefully consider the types of youth ministry hats we wear because wearing the wrong hat at the wrong time can have consequences. One key to successful ministry is knowing when and where to don the right ministry hat.

Wise Youth Ministers Always Remember These Four P’s

PASTOR HAT

A wise Youth Minister remembers that sometimes you’re the pastor, so you need to shepherd the Lord’s sheep under your care. Whether you have the title, “pastor” or not, you are a shepherd. Your role is to point students toward Jesus, and help them reconnect when they start to get off course.

Most students have few people pointing them toward Jesus and inserting God’s Word into their lives. As a shepherd, one of your most significant roles is being one of only a handful of people tasked to care for a student’s spiritual life. Shepherd well. This is your primary role as a Youth Minister.

PAL HAT

A wise student ministry worker remembers that sometimes you’re their pal, so be a friend. Even Jesus didn’t just go around quoting scripture and teaching lessons.  Sometimes He was just a friend to those who followed Him.

The gospels don’t really show this, but I can guess that Jesus played games, hung out, and did a lot of laughing with His disciples.  And Jesus seems to be breaking bread with His followers a lot too. Bottom line, He was their friend. Sometimes that’s all our students need at the moment – a friend to laugh with, cry on, share with, and just have fun with. And someone whom they can trust and come to with problems and struggles. Do your students have a friend in you?

PARENT HAT

A wise Youth Minister remembers that sometimes you’re the parent, so share wisdom and discernment as a parent. You can’t always just hang out and have fun with students.  They’re bound to do questionable things that require tough love, and who better positioned to offer that than you.

Of course, most students have biological parents, so we can never usurp them. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t step into that role when needed and offer a parental perspective – especially if it reinforces things their parents are already communicating to them and that we’re equipping their parents to do. Even if you’re not a parent, be a parent to your teens.

Join a 3 month cohort.

POLICEMAN HAT

A wise Youth Minister remembers that sometimes you’re the policeman, so draw the boundaries and enforce the rules. We know that in order to feel love, students need to know boundaries and face consequences when they cross them. God’s Word certainly tells us not to spare children from discipline when they step out of line (Proverbs 13:24).

As Youth Ministers, we need to use common sense when it comes to discipline. We don’t shame, punish harshly, or humiliate a teenager who breaks the rules. However, we do need to teach them that breaking rules, whether our youth ministry’s, the church’s, or God’s rules have consequences when broken. So, step up and enforce the rules.

So, there you go – the must-have youth ministry hats. It’s all about knowing when to take off one hat and put on another. If you can master the ability to seamlessly navigate this process, you’ll take huge strides toward providing the kind of holistic ministry leadership your teenagers need.

Brent Squires - Author

Brent Squires has dedicated the last twenty-three years of his life to student ministry. As the Student Ministry Pastor at Bay Area Community Church in Annapolis, Maryland, Brent provides leadership and development for three campus student ministry directors. He oversees a staff of seven, as well as almost 100 volunteers at the broadcast campus. His ministry consists of over 300 middle, high, and college-age students representing 30 area schools. He has been married for twenty-nine years, has three young-adult children, and one pit bull. Brent is also the co-host of the How’d They Do That? podcast. Prior to full-time ministry, Brent oversaw luxury seating for the team formerly known as the Washington Redskins.

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3 Reasons You Will See Staff Changes In 2021

3 Reasons You Will See Staff Changes in 2021
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I can see the end in sight, the light at the end of the tunnel. The vaccine has arrived, and 2021 is here. Unless you are a Chiefs, Lightening, Lakers, or Dodgers fan, the nightmare that has been 2020 is over. Or is it? Could 2021 bring significant staff changes?

I’m not one to spread doom and gloom. I am looking forward to the end of the season as much as anyone else. Like everyone else, I am tired of wearing a mask. I miss my friends and family. I want to enjoy community again – in my church, city, and neighborhood. But my weariness also points me to the reality of what might be in store for us this year.

2021 will be a year when we will see a lot of volatility in the job market. And I do not mean through the elimination of jobs. People will choose to move on. There is a significant chance that your youth or children’s minister has considered leaving for quite some time. At the very least has felt a need for change.

So why do we say this? Why do we believe you should prepare for staff changes, and what can you do about it?

Here are reasons why you can expect staff changes in 2021 and what to do about them.

3 Reasons For Staff Changes In 2021

Fatigue

People are emotionally and spiritually tired. There’s nothing left for them to give. They have tried every idea they know and have received rather lukewarm results. Few are excited about what has been happening in their ministry. So, therefore your children’s and youth minister aren’t excited either. And, if they appear to be, they are faking it in hopes of generating excitement.

So, give them a break.

Be clear on the expectations you have for them during the pandemic and what the realistic expectations will be coming out of the pandemic. Be specific.

Set their minds at ease. And then, permit them to take a break.
A well-timed sabbatical (with healthy parameters) will energize ministry leaders for this next phase.

Change of Scenery

People are associative. We associate smells and sounds with places and periods in our life. When my brother visits his alma mater, he always comments on how the library smells and the memories that it brings back for him.

Unfortunately, 2020 will be associated with the places where people worked during the pandemic. In this instance, the empty rooms are more of a reminder of what could or should have been. The grief associated with the pandemic and its aftermath is not fully realized yet.

This grief will drive people to look for a new start. They want to make new memories.

Instead of a change of scenery, meaning a new workplace, think about changing their current scenery. A fresh coat of paint, a new mural, or a rearranged room may help move people to an emotional restart. Positively changing something will communicate hope to others as well.

Calling

Many in ministry have questioned their calling during 2020. Is God now calling them to something else?

There has been ample time to consider other options and life priorities. It makes sense for people to reevaluate their lives in a crisis. When individuals are feeling dissatisfied with their work, they begin to question everything – including their calling.

For ministry leaders, they have been able to spend more time with their immediate family. Indeed this has been beneficial for them, maybe life-saving in some circumstances. Yet, some may now be realizing just how much they have been missing with their family. They may have decided they need a new career that would allow for more significant family time.

Balancing family responsibilities in ministry has always been a challenge and will continue to be a challenge in the future.

Being open to dialogue about the next steps will be critical for those considering a change. Inviting people to consider how God is moving in their lives will help them be heard and, possibly, receive feedback from those they trust.

As you dialogue with your staff member, and you realize they could use some extra support, be ready to provide what they need. Maybe you provide our professional coaching that will encourage your staff member. Perhaps, it will help your youth or children’s minister stay at your church for years to come!

On the other hand, if you realize that you need to fill your newly opened position, we have a job board for you. Better yet, we help clients find the very best individuals for their open ministry positions. Feel free to contact us if we can help you with any youth or children’s ministry needs!

As we prepare for what 2021 has in store, may we be proactive in our approach. Hope is on the horizon. Let’s choose to be part of the group of people that give hope to others.

Steve Schneeberger is the Student Ministry Lead Director at the Church of the Resurrection in Leawood, KS, and is the founder of the Youth Ministry Institute. Beginning in 1985, Steve began a vocation as a youth minister serving churches in Kansas and Florida. He is a 1981 graduate of Shawnee Mission West High School in Overland Park, Kansas, has a business degree from Baker University (1985) and a law degree from the University of Kansas (1988). He is married to Carol, a school counselor and former teacher. They have three children.

5 Ways To Break Through Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome and Ministry
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Imposter Syndrome. This is the name that is given to that overwhelming feeling that you are a fake, a fraud and that you will never be able to be close to people, lest they discover the “real” (and clearly less acceptable) you.

Imposter Syndrome is not just bad self-esteem. It runs deeper and can be harder to identify. It is accompanied by thoughts like “don’t get too close to them, or they will know you don’t know what you are talking about.” It can make you feel like a fake in a room full of people with whom you should otherwise be able to be authentic. Imposter Syndrome can encourage you to give up on a dream or a challenge because you’ll “probably never accomplish it anyhow”.

Where it comes from can be narrowed down to just a few places, all connected to our childhoods. If you have parents who demonstrated emotional instability (high praise and abruptly negative criticism), you may be someone who deals with this. Having overly supportive parents could land you in the same boat. If your parents never wavered in their conviction that you could do nothing wrong, no matter what you actually did wrong, you may also find yourself dealing with imposter syndrome. Both extremes leave the child with a lack of constructive feedback on who THEY are because both extremes are focused on the parents’ needs. It leaves the child, and then the teen, and then the adult without a framework of how to understand their own worth, independent of others.

Imposter Syndrome And Ministry

Those in ministry exhibit signs of Imposter Syndrome at an unparalleled rate to other professions, and it leads to a few potential pitfalls:

An unhealthy focus on achievement.

There are never enough hours in the day to accomplish everything we need to do, right? Or is that just what we tell ourselves? In ministry, it can be easy to DO more and BE more. And since we are doing all of our tasks “for the glory of God”, it can be easy to convince ourselves that our pace and focus is noble. But for those with Imposter Syndrome, the root reason for trying so hard to maintain that pace is because they are trying to be “good enough”. They become convinced that the achievement toward which they are working so very hard will be the thing that finally makes them feel worthy of their titles, or worthy of what others think of them. Finally, they think, I can just stop running once I achieve (insert chosen achievement here).

An unhealthy focus on their public persona.

When we have a large number of students attending our program offerings, we feel accomplished and validated. Especially in the time of COVID, when everything we do is virtual, our exposure to what others in our profession are doing is at an all-time high. It can become disheartening to see another group maintain their numbers or have great luck with creative programming while we know how much of a struggle it is to get our own students to even log on. Because what we do in ministry is so personal, it can be very easy to tie our success in our profession with success as a person. And really, if the students are not signing on, then we are failing them, right? (No, we aren’t, but that’s what “Imposter Brain” wants you to think.)

Unhealthy boundaries and burnout.

For all of the reasons listed above, Imposter Syndrome can lead to ignoring our own families, our own needs, and ultimately burning out while trying to achieve something through our job that is unattainable, at least with those methods. The fulfillment that we have to chase is a fulfillment that we will never catch. Don’t we all want more than that for our lives?

The insidious nature of Imposter Syndrome makes it so that any accomplishment we have becomes further confirmation that we are doing a good job of fooling everyone. The lies we think we have told have been believed by others, and we must lie more to keep up the facade. While we authentically may be talented at an aspect of our job, we find it nearly impossible to believe that to be true.

So what do we do?

For people who suffer from Imposter Syndrome, there can be a few ways to break through that barrier into a fuller, more authentic life and relationships.

5 Ways To Break Through Imposter Syndrome

  • Speak up. Owning the negative self-speak that happens through Imposter Syndrome means breaking the shamed silence and owning your thoughts. Find someone, even just one person, with whom you commit to full honesty. Then, begin to name the thoughts that keep you trapped in this cycle.
  • Separate feelings from facts. Your feelings are important and valid. In situations like imposter syndrome, however, they become taken as facts which negate the empirical facts of the situation. Separating the two will help you to see what is really happening
  • Develop a new script. Your responses, especially internal, toward mistakes or failure can dictate how you see a situation. Remind yourself that failure in a task is not indicative of your worth as a person. Speaking that truth to yourself regularly will go a long way towards believing it.
  • Reward yourself. Setting goals is good, as long as they are achievable and measurable. Set small, measurable goals for yourself and when you achieve them, find a way to congratulate yourself. It doesn’t have to be public, and it doesn’t even have to involve anyone besides you. By celebrating yourself will help to achieve a positive association with your accomplishments, instead of the added pressure of having to keep pushing and achieving.
  • Deny the lie of the hustle. The great lie of “the hustle” is that it hangs your worth on productivity. You do not have to be productive; you only have to be YOU. Which is a highly achievable goal, once you are able to recognize who that is.

Imposter Syndrome can leave us feeling powerless and fraudulent. The good news is that you don’t have to continue to feel that way. For more information about Imposter syndrome, check out this episode of Ask A Therapist: https://youtu.be/M6-aJ9q_yi8

Chris has served at First Church Coral Springs as the Director of Student Ministries for 8 years. He is a graduate from Dallas Theological Seminary with his Masters in Christian Education and a Youth Ministry Institute Alumnus. He is passionate about discipling young people to become future leaders in the church.