Author Archives: Kirsten Knox

Four Ways To Sabotage Your Leadership

Four Ways of Sabotaging Leadership
Posted on by

Do you often times feel overwhelmed and wonder how you will get it all done? When you find yourself in this space, it’s easy to fall into unhealthy behaviors that sabotage your leadership.

Let’s look at four common ways you can unintentionally sabotage yourself.

Sabotage your leadership by: Doing it alone.

Do you ever feel like it is all up to you? That people are looking to you to have all the answers? As leaders it is common to feel this internal pressure of needing to have it all together and have all the answers. You know you don’t and yet find yourself wrestling with this internal tension.

When you lead a ministry, people are looking to you for guidance, to solve problems, and sometimes to have the next big idea that will solve all the ministries problems. This is a lot of pressure. And if you are not careful, the weight of it all can wear you down and cause you to isolate yourself. You can quickly adopt the idea that it is all up to you.   Intellectually, you know this isn’t true. That you can’t do it well alone. And yet, it is easy to find yourself doing just that. You may find yourself thinking, “I’m the only one who can do this right” or “They pay me, so it’s my job to do this.” Your job isn’t to do the children’s or youth ministry. Your job is to lead the church in doing children’s or youth ministry.

Sabotage your leadership by: Letting your ego get too big.

Do you find yourself thinking your ideas are better? Of course, you don’t say that out loud, but do you think it? When someone comes to you with an idea, do you find yourself quickly dismissing it, because it doesn’t fit with your way of thinking?  Do you find yourself eager to move on your own idea, and slow to get input from others? If so, these could indicate your ego is in the driver’s seat and may be sabotaging your leadership.

Only leaning on your own ideas is dangerous.

When you are working on a new idea, gather a small group of people to brainstorm and dream with you. Be prepared to listen objectively. Chances are you have some emotional attachments to this idea. Having self-awareness around this will enable you to listen without being defensive.

Involving others will help you share the load and responsibility of moving the ministry forward. This will not only speak value over those in the conversation, it will allow them to take ownership of the process and results.

Sabotage your leadership by: Thinking more about what you want FROM people versus what you want FOR them.

Youth Ministry Certification interest image

This often times happens when you are feeling desperate for more help.  If you are struggling with recruiting adults to partner with you in ministry, you may want to ask- “do people feel like I am more interested in what they can do for me versus what I want for them.” Even adults are looking for a place where they matter and belong.

Before you approach someone about serving in the ministry, spend time with them with no agenda. Care about them first. Then as you get to know them, if you think they are still a good fit, invite them to be a part of the work God is doing in the lives of those in the ministry. Speak with them about the value you see they can bring to the ministry and how their talents are an asset to the mission.

Sabotage your leadership by: Not leaving margin for learning.

When things get busy, often the first things to go is your personal time connecting with God and making time to grow your leadership. One of the best things you can do for those you lead is investing in your own leadership. This is an important gift to give yourself! It is also vitally important for your own spiritual, emotional, and relational health.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to access this: 1. Outside of ministry, when was the last time you felt inspired by being in God’ presence? 2. Where is God challenging you to grow right now? 3. What new muscles are you developing in your own leadership?

If you are looking for a supportive community that will encourage you, get to know you, and challenge you to grow, the Youth Ministry Institute has a Professional Certification for Children and Youth Ministers. This Certification Program will give you the tools you need to succeed in ministry. We believe in you and the important work you do! We’d be honored to walk alongside you in your leadership journey.

Kirsten Knox, Senior Director of Ministry Partnerships

Kirsten Knox is the Executive Director of Youth Ministry Institute. Kirsten was part of the second class to complete the Youth Ministry Institute two-year coaching and training class in 2009. She has since been a coach on multiple occasions. Kirsten Knox is married and a graduate of Asbury University with a degree in youth ministry.  She began working in youth ministry in 2000, serving Pasadena Community United Methodist Church for a decade and still ministers to young people at Radius Church in St. Petersburg, FL. Click the social links below to engage with Kirsten.

Other Post Topics

Difficulty And Beauty Held Together

Hands holding seeds
Posted on by

Ministry is full of difficult things.

The demands, the expectations, the responsibilities, the unknowns, and that to-do list. You know, the list that you check items off and immediately more gets added. It feels never-ending. I get it. I feel it.   

And, there is beauty in ministry. That conversation with a kid. That adult leader who goes to a student’s game. That student initiated a conversation with a first-time visitor. That parent who asks, “how can I help you?” That kid who volunteers to pray for the first time.   

In ministry, as in life, both are true. Ministry is full of difficulty and beauty held together. If we are not careful, we can succumb to the pressure of pretending “all is awesome” in ministry. That isn’t true.   

There is great joy in serving kids, students, and their families. Joy doesn’t negate that it is also challenging and, at times, painful.  

Here are a few tips to help you simultaneously hold the hard stuff and the beauty of ministry.   

Name The Hard Stuff  

What are you carrying right now that feels heavy? Maybe it is a new program or event you are starting for the first time, and the “what ifs” keep coming. Perhaps it is the tension you feel in your relationship with your supervisor. Maybe it is a student in a dark place, and you feel lost on how to support them well. Perhaps it’s the self-doubt you continue to battle.

Whatever it is- say it out loud, write it down, or tell someone you trust. Say it. Feel it. Give yourself permission to acknowledge it. Don’t suppress it or pretend like it doesn’t exist.   

Look for the Beauty  

What opportunities exist to grow, be challenged, or step outside your comfort zone? Often I’m not excited about these opportunities even though I know they are valuable. Finding the beauty doesn’t mean escaping or avoiding negative feelings. It doesn’t mean glossing over hard stuff with a happy vibe. That is toxic. Looking for beauty means- finding beauty in the middle of the messiness of ministry.   

Hold both difficulty and beauty together.  

We live in a world that tells us it is either this or that. This dualistic way of thinking is so prevalent today. It assumes there are two contrasting, mutually exclusive choices, thoughts, or realities. We can easily absorb this way of thinking without even realizing it.   

We evaluate our thoughts & feelings, situations, or even people as good or bad, right or wrong. Most things in life are not that simple. Life and people are complicated and have layers.  

When it comes to ministry being hard and beautiful, we can hold both simultaneously. Even though challenge and joy feel like opposites, both are true. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.  Difficulty and beauty can be held together.

As we are on this ministry journey, let’s permit ourselves to be human, be honest, and embrace ministry’s hard stuff and beauty. And when you find yourself in the middle of the challenges, remember you can do hard things. You are not alone. God is with you.

Kirsten Knox, Senior Director of Ministry Partnerships

Kirsten Knox is the Executive Director of Youth Ministry Institute. Kirsten was part of the second class to complete the Youth Ministry Institute two-year coaching and training class in 2009. She has since been a coach on multiple occasions. Kirsten Knox is married and a graduate of Asbury University with a degree in youth ministry.  She began working in youth ministry in 2000, serving Pasadena Community United Methodist Church for a decade and still ministers to young people at Radius Church in St. Petersburg, FL. Click the social links below to engage with Kirsten.

Other Post Topics

3 WAYS TO INVEST IN THE MOST ANXIOUS GENERATION

Posted on by

No one seems able to agree about the exact dates for Generation Z. The youngest members may have been born in 1995 and the last in 2012. We’ll find out more about them in the next couple of years as additional research explores this group.

As we strive to reach this generation, we must understand its members as well as we can.

Two key markers of Generation Z.

  • Most of Generation Z sees the world as a scary place. They may not have been born when 9/11 took place, but their parents and others have made the event a part of their lives and insecurities. Many have been parented out of fear. (“How to Raise an Adult,” Lythcott-Haims)
  • From this, we can also conclude that Generation Z is the most anxious generation, or “melatonin generation,” since melatonin is its drug of choice. The anxiety of those in this age group makes sleeping difficult. And their lack of sleep affects their emotions and decision-making.

As we seek to invest in the members of Generation Z, we must consider how to create safe spaces for them physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually. Here are a few tips on how to engage an anxious young person in meaningful conversation.

3 Ways To Invest In Gen Z

Lead with listening.

When someone says they are worried, overwhelmed or afraid, we may feel the desire to fix the perceived problem. With all good intentions, we offer phrases like, “At least …” or “The good thing is …” This minimizes the other person’s feelings and will often shut down the conversation.

Resist the urge to use your words to try to improve their situation. Instead, ask questions and listen. Sitting with them and identifying with their emotions can have a powerful impact. If a young person tells you, “I’m stressed out about getting good grades,” ask clarifying questions: “Do you find studying a challenge?” “What kind of grades do you want to get?”

Once you better understand the situation, ask questions that enable them to explore how they feel. Sample questions include: “When do you find yourself most stressed about your grades?” “Why do you think grades cause you to be so stressed out?” “When it comes to your grades, what do you fear most?” “When you get worried about your grades, what thoughts run through your head?”

Give them permission.

Giving them permission to feel as they do will help them relax and feel understood and validated. You might say, “That is stressful.” “I understand why you feel overwhelmed.” “I imagine that kind of pressure is hard to handle.”

Help them navigate their feelings.

Invite them into a brainstorming journey with the phrase, “I wonder …” When we use this phrase, we invite active participation. “I wonder what would help you feel less stressed.” “I wonder what things you enjoy doing that help you relax or distract you from feeling overwhelmed.” “I wonder if tutoring would help you.” “I wonder if talking with your parents about the pressure you are feeling would help.” “I wonder how your parents would respond.” One of the best gifts we can give Generation Z is not great advice but walking with them through tough situations.

Talk less. Listen more. Journeying alongside them will help them feel valued and loved, and it will increase their skill set for navigating life’s difficulties.

Kirsten Knox, Senior Director of Ministry Partnerships

Kirsten Knox is the Executive Director of Youth Ministry Institute. Kirsten was part of the second class to complete the Youth Ministry Institute two-year coaching and training class in 2009. She has since been a coach on multiple occasions. Kirsten Knox is married and a graduate of Asbury University with a degree in youth ministry.  She began working in youth ministry in 2000, serving Pasadena Community United Methodist Church for a decade and still ministers to young people at Radius Church in St. Petersburg, FL. Click the social links below to engage with Kirsten.

Other Post Topics